Haters gonna hate

The Black Mirror episode Nosedive, one of the most highly praised for the celebrated series, is set in a world where the expression "haters gonna hate" does not exist. One's wealth and well-being depend on how well-liked one is, as measured by interpersonal exchanges that are rated by the other person. High ratings get you substantial discounts and upgrades on purchases and services. What a brilliant way to shape human interactions for the better in an acquisitive, status-conscious world! The episode's lead, an intrepid Dallas Bryce Howard (this woman, Ron Howard's daughter, might be the bravest young character actress currently performing), discovers how quickly one can fall out of favor after a lifetime of building affirmation points. Her fall is precipitous but she eventually discovers her true value through some healthy animosity and truth-telling.

The problem with this clever story (co-authored by Rashida Jones of #blackaf) is, well, "haters gonna hate," no matter what we do. Somebody's gonna resent your drag or your swag -- what you wear or how you act. Some folks have been reared to be sensitive to this possibility and to be complimentary and non-threatening, to cultivate lots of friendships and try not to make other people uncomfortable. We should have people liking the hell out of us at all times because it will pay off in the end.

Others of us may have received the same counsel but learned eventually that hatred will precede some of us into a room and will be sitting at the table waiting. This is why some people of color ask when invited to an unfamiliar place or event, "Who's gonna be there? Anybody I know?" We're trying to gauge the "hate potential." If other people of color will be there then it shouldn't be an openly hostile crowd.

I'm no masochist, but I don't use that meter as much anymore. I think it's more a factor of my age than of my becoming inured to people's hostility. I've been to some events that were cavalcades of microaggressions and left annoyed but relatively unperturbed. I handle indifference and animosity as they come. I set my mind (swag and drag) as I suspect many people of color must -- on "IDGAF." Life's too short to spend it humoring fools and being a fool's fool.